I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
