did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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