Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
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