thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
