Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
