I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
