you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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