I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
