In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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