Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize