i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
