Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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