i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
