This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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