i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i was born a porn star she said
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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