I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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