and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
