I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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