I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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