why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
