You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
