the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
