So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
