I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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