I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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