I skipped work to stalk him.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
