Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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