Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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