you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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