A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
