just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
