you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
