Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
