I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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