I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
