Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she smelled like a LAN party
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
