Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
