I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
