I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
