i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
