you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dignity is for republicans.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
