Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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