she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
