You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
