oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
