They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
