I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
