Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
