i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
