She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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