im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
