I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
