Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
