I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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