Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
