I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
