ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We left an ass print on the piano.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
