you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
