Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
