Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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