Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
