why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he told me I talked like a deaf person
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
