Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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