hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
