Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
