if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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