i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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