Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
