So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think people are normalizing furries
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
