I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
