Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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