you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
