we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
