mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
