I think I just saw someone hide a body.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
