If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
