How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
