two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
