so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
