If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
