I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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