I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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