good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
