The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize