is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
