batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
