i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
