You work out of a Hotel?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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