Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize