I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
