I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
3pm strippers are depressing
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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