i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
