who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
