Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
