i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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