please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Actions speak louder than pants.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Did I show you my penis last night?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
