Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
