when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
