My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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