people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Congratulations! We have a period
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
