pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
