do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
