Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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